Gay Men With Herpes

Rules of the Sex Game

These are what I consider to be the current rules that most gay men of any conscience act under as they navigate the sex game in the gay community. Not everyone operates by these rules.

1. Just Say No

   If you have an outbreak or feel one coming on; do not have sexual contact until the tingling sensation is gone or the lesions are completely healed.

2. Don't Tell, But Answer

   Casual hook ups you don't know and are not likely to have further contact with, let alone name exchange, you don't bring it up, but if asked you tell the truth.

3. If Wait, Then Tell

   Men who are potential partners, boy friends or even friends, you disclose up front.

Rejection

Disclosing that you have HSV can lead to rejection. I have known some guys so hot that no one rejects them, but that is the extreme exception. People get rejected for all kinds of reasons. Most men seem to want to be unconscious about sex and telling them that you have herpes makes you and the sex too real. It moves it out of the fantasy spectrum. So what you will have really been guilty of is destroying the fantasy and that is the reason for the rejection. If they reject you because of it, they are not really interested in you. I think that you deserve someone that is really interested in you if you are going to put the time and effort in to having sex with them.

Move on to the next one. Take heart that you can look at yourself in the mirror and sleep well.